18th Floor Balcony
by jellyyyfishh
Summary: An old friend of Emily's joins the BAU and immediately attracts the attention of Hotch and Derek. As the team finds out about her past, will she still be accepted?
1. Suddenly I See

**A/N: This is my first story and I can't seem to get this character out of my head. Enjoy and please review!**

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The team sat in the conference room, waiting for Bridget Carmichael, the last member of their team, to arrive. She had texted Morgan saying that she was on her way about 20 minutes ago, but with the winter storm they'd received last night, there was bound to be traffic.

"Let's get started," Hotch finally said. "We can brief her on the jet."

"Ok, this is Richard Martin, 88," JJ started her presentation. "His body was found in the Arlington National Cemetery two months ago. He was brutally beaten and murdered." She pulled up pictures of the crime scene on the projection screen.

"Leaving him in the middle of a national cemetery? That's quite a statement," Rossi interrupted. The others nodded in agreement as JJ continued.

"Four weeks later, Thomas Drew, 89," she bought up more pictures. "Then two weeks ago, Markus Jackson, 88, found the same way. All three died of blunt force trauma to the head and were dumped in the Arlington Cemetery."

"All three were also veterans of World War II," Hotch stated, reading the file. "They were all serving in the same year and were stationed in the same base in Germany."

"So they knew each other?" Morgan asked. But before anyone could answer, the door to the BAU room opened, and a very flustered and cold-looking FBI agent entered.

Bridget Carmichael had joined the BAU three years ago and the team had taken to her very quickly. There was a warmth about her that seemed to put everyone around her in a better mood.

_**You can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl**_

_**Everything around her is a silver pool of light**_

_**The people who surround her feel the benefit of it**_

_**It makes you calm, she holds you captivated in her palm**_

Hotch had been reluctant when she'd first been placed on the team, especially after her not-so-clean past, but she'd proven herself as a very important member of the team.

"Sorry, traffic," Bridget said by way of a greeting and explanation. There were still droplets of water from melted snowflakes in her long chestnut-colored hair. She shook her hair out as she took a seat between Hotch and Morgan. Morgan couldn't help but stare at her cheeks and nose, both of which were tinged with pink from the cold weather.

"Nice of you to join us," Morgan teased.

Bridget's emerald eyes remained on the file she'd taken from JJ as she replied. "I hate winter."

A quiet laugh rippled through all the team, except Hotch, whose expression remained stern.

"Come on, you've lived here for three years," Morgan said. "You've got to be used to it by now."

"And what about when you lived here before? And St. Louis? You grew up there! It gets pretty cold there in winter too," Emily added.

"I never liked it!" Bridget playfully defended herself. "You want to know how warm it is in Miami? Seventy-six degrees. It's not even twenty-six degrees here!" It was no secret to the team that she missed living in Miami, but had given up the gorgeous weather to take the job in the BAU. She always made it clear that she'd even take St. Louis' bipolar weather over the frost that hit Virginia each winter.

"The temperatures have actually been at a record low for Florida this year," Reid through in.

"Back to the case, please," Hotch said, setting them all back on track.

As they went over the details of the murders, Hotch let his mind wander, taking him back to Bridget's first day at the BAU.

_She'd walked in accompanied by the director of the Bureau herself, but Hotch knew that she was an old friend of David Carmichael, Bridget's father. Even if she hadn't been new, all the eyes would've been drawn to her anyway. _

_Soft waves in her chocolatey hair cascaded over her shoulders and she wore a brown pencil skirt that matched the color of her hair. The earthy tone was complemented by a chartreuse button-down shirt. The outfit accentuated her curves and showed off her toned lean muscle. _

_When he'd introduced her to the team, Rossi looked pleased, Derek looked excited and Reid looked fairly intimidated. Hotch was surprised at Prentiss' reaction. _

"_Bridget?" Bridget's head whipped around to look at Prentiss. _

"_Emily Prentiss? No way!" The two women hugged. Seeing the looks they'd gotten from the team, Prentiss quickly began to explain. _

"_Our parents were friends, always going to the same galas and events. While all the other kids were sitting quietly, we were the girls who were sneaking out to meet boys or for a cigarette." The team laughed, picturing the two getting into all sorts of trouble. _

"_It only got worse when you went off to college and left me to wreak havoc on my own," Bridget said laughing. Emily was almost seven years older than Bridget and had always thought of her as a younger sister. Seven years was quite an age gap, but, as the two misfits in the political world, the girls found comfort in each other. _

_Upon meeting Garcia, Hotch found that they quickly bonded over a love of clothes and fashion. She'd also quickly become friends with JJ. _

_When Reid started spurting out facts at the briefing for Bridget's first case with the team, she stared at him in fascination. In the three years that she'd been with the team, Bridget had never mocked Reid for his profuse knowledge of random facts and never asked him to stop talking, like Hotch and the others constantly did. _

_It was very clear that she really cared about the members of her team and her loyalty to them had shone through on many occasions. Bridget was easy to talk to and easy to trust and, to their knowledge, she'd never broken that trust. However, she wasn't one to spill private, personal information about her own past. Hotch was fairly certain that there were secrets about her that the others on the team would be very surprised to find out. _

The realization that the others were waiting for his order brought Hotch back to the present. "Alright, JJ, let the Arlington PD know that we're on our way. It's a 45 minute drive, so let's leave in an hour. I want everyone to brush up on the details of the case before we leave."

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The song used is "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall.

**Please review! It's my first fanfic so please be nice!! Thanks!!**


	2. When I See You Smile

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter. I was so nervous to post my story, but everyone's been so nice. Enjoy!**

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Derek could tell that something was off about Bridget that day, more than just dislike of the cold weather. He watched her as she sat at her desk. Bridget's eyes were looking at the paper, but they didn't move from one spot and Derek knew that she wasn't really seeing the case file. As he inspected her face, he noticed that her nose and cheeks had returned to their natural color, but there were bags under her eyes that he hadn't seen before. Bridget had been careful to cover them with makeup, but, being her best friend, Derek knew better.

"Bee," Bridget looked up when he called her by her nickname. "You okay?"

Bridget hesitated. His tone was soft, understanding. It almost made her want to tell him everything that was going on with her. Almost. "Yeah, just tired. I was up late. Did you hear the wind from that storm last night? It was so loud, I could barely sleep." It wasn't the whole story, but everything she said was true. She really didn't like keeping things from Derek but it was definitely better that way. After all, if he knew her past…Well, Bridget didn't want to take that chance.

"You know, the highest documented wind speeds were in a tornado in 1999. Winds reached 318 miles per hour!" Reid put in. Derek rolled his eyes at Reid's statement, but Bridget gave him a small smile.

"The storm didn't even start until after 1 in the morning," Emily turned towards them. "How were you up that late? I was asleep by ten." They were all exhausted after the case they'd just returned from. Bridget smiled, but it quickly faded from her face.

"My mom called me last night. She wanted to tell me about some event where they're honoring my father." The other three nodded in understanding. Bridget's father, a former senator, had divorced her mother and left their family when Bridget was 16. It was obvious that Bridget still harbored anger towards David Carmichael. She hadn't talked to him, face-to-face, in over five years, a meeting which resulted in Bridget yelling at her father and storming out of the restaurant where her mother had tried to set up a normal family dinner. Bridget was against it from the beginning, but gave it a try. Yeah, that went well. Bridget was out of the restaurant before their salads had arrived.

When her mother had first called her with the idea, Bridget laughed into the phone. How could her family ever be considered normal? Her father abandoned their family when they needed the most support, then tried to come crawling back into her life as if he'd never left. Her mother, Linda Carmichael, had been the perfect politician's wife. When David was in running for office, Linda had done charity work and hosted parties and made all the right connections. One of those connections had included Elizabeth Prentiss.

Emily had taken Bridget under her wing, something that Bridget would be forever grateful for. Emily was the sister that Bridget never had, but even Emily didn't know the full story and Bridget certainly hadn't told her about what her and her family had gone through before the Prentiss' entered their life. Bridget remembered her mother fearing that Emily would be a bad influence, but Bridget knew that Linda had gone along with it because it meant a closer relationship with Ambassador Prentiss. Bridget felt like Emily understood what was happening with her life better than many of the other children of her parents "friends". Bridget had been relocated to Washington, DC when she was ten years old, leaving behind her life in St. Louis' Central West End. She would always feel a connection to the city, the one that built her, the one that was ripped out from underneath her when her parents announced that they were all moving to DC to advance her father's career. Of course, the move had just been the beginning to all the misfortune she would experience in the next few years.

Derek spoke but it was didn't take a profiler to hear the hesitation in his voice. "Maybe you should try to reconnect with him…I mean, it's been years since you've seen him, right?" However, when she looked up at him with a warning in her eyes, he knew she wasn't about to answer the question.

Sometimes Bridget felt like Derek didn't understand why she would throw away a relationship with her father, when Derek would never get that chance. But she would never explain to him why it was her fault that David Carmichael left Bridget, her mother and younger brother, Robert.

Thankfully, Hotch had chosen that moment to walk in and tell the team that they were leaving. Once on the road, any tension between Derek and Bridget had vanished and was replaced by their usual playful banter. The radio had been turned low but when Bridget caught a chord of the song, she reached over to turn up the volume and started to sing along.

"_Sometimes I wonder how I'd ever make it through, through this world without having you. I just wouldn't have a clue," _Bridget tapped her finger to the beat as she sang. Derek laughed as she continued belting the words to the classic song and Hotch even cracked a small smile listening to her slightly rough voice. "_'Cause sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me, and there's no way of breaking free and then I see you reach for me."_

At the chorus, Derek joined her quietly, just mouthing the words at first. Upon hearing the two members of his team singing, Hotch had to laugh. By the end of the song, Derek and Bridget were doubled over in hysterics and Hotch had even let out a few chuckles. In all his amusement, Derek couldn't help but notice that he hadn't seen Hotch laugh like that since before Haley.

Despite the fun they'd had in the car, the team was all business when they arrived in Arlington. The Arlington Police chief walked out to greet them in the brisk winter air.

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The song is "When I See You Smile" by Bad English.

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	3. I Run to You

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update sooner! This week has been insane for me and then I got sick. So here you go! Thanks to those who reviewed and please review again!!**

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As the others left to talk to families or visit crime scenes, Bridget opted to stay back at the warm police station. Hotch allowed it and put her to work on victimology. After a few hours of comparing the men's lives, Hotch walked over to check Bridget's progress.

"Found anything?" His deep voice startled her and she smiled at herself as she started to speak.

"Sort of," Hotch raised an eyebrow at her. "We already know their military connection," she paused. "But that's it. They all lived on the West Coast, but in different states. Different jobs, different social circles, no family connections. So it has to be the military."

"Alright, let me know if you find anything else."

Bridget nodded. Almost a half hour later, Hotch came in saying that they were meeting the rest of the team for dinner at a diner down the street.

In the short car ride to the diner, Hotch found he was relaxed. It happened a lot when he was around Bridget, he noticed. Maybe it was how she talked to him, like a friend, not a boss. Or maybe it was just Bridget herself. Seeing her at ease took some of his edge off.

During the car ride, she talked a lot. She was a very talkative person but she rarely had anything rude to say. Yes, she was kind, but Hotch respected her ability to stand her ground. She'd put rowdy officers in their place, replying to their crude comments with snappy comebacks. Bridget wasn't really the "back down" type. On a few rare occasions, Bridget had even tackled an unsub they were in pursuit of.

She'd done a damn good job in the last three years, especially considering her background. She'd been a prosecutor, like Hotch, in Miami. Bridget was the best that the Bureau had seen, which was the main reason that she was with his team.

Of course, being brought in to the Bureau as she had been, sometimes the mental part of the job was hard on her. When she first started, Hotch remembered, the crimes scenes were especially bad.

A specific case stood out in Hotch's mind. A woman and her six young children had been murdered by the children's father. He had used an ax. Even Hotch, who'd seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of crime scenes in his years, was taken aback by what he saw.

_When Hotch opened the door to the house, the strong scent of blood hit him like a tidal wave. Blood covered the walls and body parts were strewn throughout the rooms. Bridget walked in, following Morgan. Her hand flew up to her nose and mouth as if to ward off the smell. The scent, along with the sight of the dismembered bodies, soon became too overwhelming. She turned and walked out of the house to get some fresh air. Out in the yard, she struggled to control her breathing before it turned into a full-on anxiety attack. _

_That night, back at the hotel, Hotch could hear her screams through the walls as nightmares, images, flashed behind Bridget's eyes. _

Though it was two and a half years ago, Hotch could hear those screams of sheer terror as if it were yesterday.

In the car, Bridget's phone rang. She looked down and smiled when she saw the number.

"Hey Matty," It was Bridget's longtime best friend, Matthew Rodriguez, from Miami. The two still talked daily, but only saw each other once or twice a month. Bridget and Matt were very close and more than once, the team had asked if there was more than just friendship between them. Bridget always denied it, saying that they were more like siblings than lovers.

When they pulled up to the diner, Bridget was still on the phone, laughing as she talked. As they reached the door of the restaurant, she waved for Hotch to go on inside without her.

The team had met Matt two or three times before, when he'd come up from Miami to visit Bridget. He was a sergeant in the Miami-Dade Police Department. They'd met, Bridget had told them, when they were both in college in Miami. Matthew had lived down there all his life. He was half-Cuban and half-Caucasian, muscular and very attractive. Hotch found it ironic that Bridget, of all people, was best friends with a police officer.

Hotch knew that if the case was finished by this weekend, Bridget would fly down to Miami to visit him. As he walked inside the diner, Hotch could hear Bridget's voice slip into the "Spanglish" that she and Matt often used.

The rest of the team was inside already and multiple conversations were happening at once, but all quieted as the waitress asked what they wanted to drink. Bridget walked in, giving the waitress her order as she got settled in her seat. She sat next to Reid and Derek, and Derek and Bridget began to harmlessly tease Reid. When she wasn't on the job, Bridget liked to talk about anything but the case. She needed something to take her mind off the murders, if only for a few minutes.

That was part of the reason that she talked to Matthew every day. Sure, they were best friends, but when he called, they didn't have to talk about work and she didn't have to think about the victims, the families, the friends, and, of course, the killers. He was a police officer, so he understood the things she saw and comforted her when she called him late at night, but if Bridget wanted a break from the horrors she saw, Matt was there.

_**This world keeps spinning faster, **_

_**Into a new disaster, so I run to you,**_

_**I run to you, baby**_

_**And when it all starts coming undone,**_

_**Baby, you're the only one I run to**_

_**I run to you**_

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The song is "I Run to You" by Lady Antebellum.

**Thanks again for reading and please review. This is my first story and feedback is really appreciated. This was a little about Bridget, but there will be more of the team in the next chapter. I'll update again soon!**


	4. Trouble

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

**A/N: I've been having a little writers' block but thanks for putting up with me and reading. The story is finally getting to the important stuff.**

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After dinner, Derek had suggested that they all go out for drinks and the team had eagerly agreed. Finding a nearly empty bar hadn't been too hard considering it was only Tuesday. The lighting was dim and an old song played through the juke box. The scent of stale cigarette smoke hit them as they walked through the door.

The found a table in the corner and Hotch and Rossi walked up to the bar to get drinks for the team. As always, Derek sat next to Bridget. Emily and Reid were already debating something about Star Wars or Star Trek, Derek hadn't really been listening. JJ was standing in a quieter corner of the bar, talking on her cell phone to Will. Derek turned to look at Bridget.

"So, how was your day of victimology, Bridge?" he asked, turning his upper body to face her.

"Oh no," she smiled as she replied. "We are not talking about work right now."

Derek laughed. "Okay, Bee, what do you want to talk about then?"

"I don't know. I just feel like we haven't _really _talked in a long time. So, how have you been?"

"I see you every day!" Derek laughed again. "You already know how I've been."

"Derek, stop," Bridget's voice sounded sadder. She scooted a little closer to Derek in the booth, though their table was already small enough that their thighs were touching. "You know what I mean."

"Okay, sorry," he ran a hand over his head. Derek thought, not for the first time, about how deep his feelings for her ran. Falling for a coworker? Boy, this was bad.

_**I'm in trouble, I'm an addict**_

_**I'm addicted to this girl**_

_**She's got my heart tied in a knot**_

_**And my stomach in a whirl**_

After a couple drinks, they decided it would be best if they headed back to the hotel. They did have to work in the morning, after all. The night was still chilly and snow was softly falling. The drive back to the hotel was short and the team was uncharacteristically quiet. It'd been a long day and they were all tired.

Derek had pulled Bridget in next to him in the car. By the time they pulled into the hotel parking lot, Bridget's head was on his shoulder. As he looked down at her, Derek knew that he wasn't falling for her. No, that ship had sailed years ago. He'd fallen hard and stayed down, and maybe it was the alcohol in his system, but at that moment, he vowed himself that he would tell her soon.

They woke up the next morning, bright and early. After a quick breakfast, the team got to work. Apparently, the case was easier to solve than they first expected and by the late afternoon, they were on their way back to Quantico. When they returned, the team got started on their paperwork. Derek really disliked this part of the job. He'd much rather be out, tackling unsubs and busting down doors. He sighed.

Bridget looked at over him and smiled. She opened her mouth to say something but her phone started to vibrate on her desk before she could speak. From the look on her face, Derek could tell she didn't recognize the number that appeared on the screen.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded formal. "Yes, this is she." Derek watched as Bridget got very still, but he could see her hand shaking as she listened to the speaker. "Is he–yes, I'll be down there as soon as I can. Thank you. Bye."

Bridget stood up and immediately started putting her things together. She was visibly upset and her hands were still shaking.

"Bridget, what's going on?" Derek was worried. He'd never seen her like this. "Who was on the phone?"

She didn't answer, but instead, turned and walked up the steps to Hotch's office. Bridget didn't bother knocking and shut the door behind her.

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Hotch looked up from his case files as someone burst through his door. "Bridget?" She had a strange look on her face and she couldn't seem to find the words to voice her thoughts. Hotch waited.

A few moments later, her breathing was mostly under control. Bridget took a deep breath before speaking. "I, uh, I have to go to Miami."

Hotch wasn't sure what he'd expected her to say, but that most definitely wasn't it. "Why?"

"I just got a call," her breath caught in strange places as she spoke. "Matthew was shot."

"I-I'm sorry," Hotch didn't know what to say, to ask. "Is he alright?"

"They're not sure yet. He's in surgery." She spoke quickly, like she didn't have time to explain. "I have to go down there."

Hotch pursed his lips. He understood that she was worried, but Bridget knew that she wasn't allowed to leave. He didn't want to sound heartless, but Bridget would face serious consequences for leaving and missing work, especially if they had a case. It had been part of the agreement when she joined the Bureau.

"Bridget," he started slowly. "You have a contract. You know the repercussions if you break that contract."

"Hotch, you don't understand. Matt is like my family. If your family was hurt, you'd go to them, right?"

He looked at her sternly. "Yes, but–"

"Then I have to go."

"Carmichael," Hotch rarely called her by her last name. "You could lose your job." He needed to know that she'd thought this out and she wasn't being rash. "And, depending on what the director thinks, you may face prison time." This was serious. She'd been given an ultimatum when she was brought in to the FBI and, with a legally binding contract, she wasn't allowed to leave if the team had a case.

Bridget took another deep breath and looked Hotch in the eye. She'd made her decision. "Hotch, I didn't come to ask your permission."

He sighed. He was leaving her no choice. "Alright. Leave your gun and badge."

Bridget didn't hesitate in setting them both on Hotch's desk in front of her. She turned on her heel and strode out.

Hotch watched through the window of his office as she walked to her own desk, picked up her purse and bag and left without a word to anyone on the team. Morgan stood up when she walked down and Hotch saw him say something to Bridget, which she ignored, then Morgan started to follow after her, only to be stopped by a wave of Bridget's hand.

Hotch knew the rest of the team didn't know the story about Bridget and he really hoped that it wouldn't break the team apart when she left.

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The song is "Trouble" by Never Shout Never.

**Thanks for reading and please review! I'll try to update soon!**


	5. Here Comes Goodbye

**I know I haven't updated in forever but I've had serious writers' block and kind of lost momentum on this story. Sorry! But I'm back and hopefully will continue. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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As Bridget waited in line at the airport, it was all she could do not to start yelling at everyone to hurry up. She knew that would get her nowhere. But, really? Did they not understand that she had to be in Miami as soon as possible?

She sighed impatiently as a woman lazily checked her ticket and handed it back to her. Fifteen minutes later, when she'd finally found her seat, Bridget put her head in her hands.

_This cannot be happening_, she thought. In less than an hour her whole world had been turned upside down. Family troubles aside, she had a pretty nice life. Now? She wasn't sure what she had now. She may have lost her best friend, her job and her freedom with one phone call.

Bridget sat up upon hearing the announcement that the plane would be taking off soon. She drew in a shaky breath and ran a hand through her wavy hair. The man next to her gave her a nervous look, like he didn't want the crazy person next to him for the almost two hour flight. She put a small smile on her lips that was meant to reassure, but it felt strange on her face and she hoped that the point still came across. However, Bridget had a feeling that it didn't because he immediately turned to face the seat in front of him and pointedly ignored her for the entirety of the flight.

With no checked bags she all but ran out of the airport to catch one of the waiting cabs.

"Hey, pretty lady," the cab driver gave her a dirty smile.

"University of Miami Hospital and please hurry," Bridget looked down to her phone. She'd hoped one of her friends from the MDPD would've called while she was on her flight. Six missed calls. Three from her mother. Bridget's phone had been off for two hours. A little excessive considering there was no emergency with her mother. The others were from her team, no doubt wondering why she'd suddenly run off.

"Whoa, you're not sick are you? 'Cuz I just cleaned that back seat," he spoke in a thick Cuban accent.

"_Rápido, por favor_," Bridget replied, the Spanish easily rolling off her tongue.

The driver didn't say anything else after that, but kept glancing back. Bridget figured he was just worried about her defiling his back seat. As the cab weaved through traffic, she tried to slow her breathing, but she knew that, in this situation, it wouldn't get quite down to normal.

As the hospital came into sight, Bridget felt her heart rate kick up a notch and she immediately knew it was the beginning of an anxiety attack.

_Not now_, Bridget told herself. She needed to be sure Matt was alright.

"_Gracias_," she said to the cab driver, paying her fare.

"_De nada_," he mumbled back as he barely even looked at her.

She walked instinctively towards the ER. _Where else would he be? _Then as she thought again, _Well, how about the OR, Trauma or the ICU?_

_ER_, she decided. Always go with your first instinct. Her heels clicked along the laminate tile floor as she navigated through the halls of the hospital.

Bridget turned the corner that would reveal the waiting room of the ER and saw Ryan Montgomery, Matt's partner in the MDPD. The look on his face when he saw her, and the expressions of the half a dozen other officers around them, told Bridget everything she needed to know.

Matthew was gone.

Wind knocked out of her chest, Bridget would've fallen to the ground if Officer Montgomery hadn't been there to catch her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair. He felt her turn her face into his shoulder.

_**Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time**_

_**Here comes the start of every sleepless night**_

_**The first of every tear I'm gonna cry**_

_**Here comes the pain**_

As the news really hit her, Bridget couldn't stop the agonized screams that were released from her own mouth. Muffled as they were by Montgomery's uniform-clad shoulder, everyone in the waiting room still could hear her grief-stricken cries. The other officers gathered around them. A few patted Bridget's back, silently offering their sympathy and sharing the pain. They were hurt too. Matthew was a member of their police force family.

All the officers at the hospital knew Bridget and a couple of them were even friends with her before she moved back to DC. They hadn't stayed in touch, but they'd seen her a few times when she was in Miami visiting Matt.

Eventually, Bridget's screams turned into sobs then silent tears before finally stopping. Once she was quiet, an officer asked if she had a hotel room they could take her to. She shook her head. No, she usually just stayed with Matt.

_Oh God_, _this cannot be happening, _she thought again.

When Bridget's phone began to vibrate in her back pocket, she didn't even bother to see who it was, she just pressed a button on the side to make it stop. It wasn't like she could speak right now so why bother?

The officers took care of her; they got her a hotel room, drove her over and made sure she got up to her room safely. They asked if she wanted someone to stay with her, outside her door or in an adjoining room so she wasn't alone, but Bridget silently declined. She knew that she wouldn't be able to speak, to properly thank them, so she just gave Officer Montgomery another hug as she pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth to keep the tears at bay.

_This was going to be a long night_, she thought to herself, closing the door.

She sat down on the bed when she felt her phone vibrate as a call came in. It'd been almost an hour since the last call in the hospital; two hours since she'd arrived in Miami. Bridget looked down at the caller ID: Emily Prentiss.

Bridget felt the tears began to well up again. She pressed the button to answer and held the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?" Her own voice was quiet and high pitched.

There was a short pause on the other end of the line. "Bridget? Are you okay?"

"He's gone," Bridget said as the first sob broke through. "Matt's dead."

"God, Bridge, I'm so sorry. Do you need anything?" She said something else, but Bridget couldn't hear.

Bridget didn't answer and Emily didn't push it. She just listened to Bridget cry into the phone.

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Song is "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts.

**Gah! I finally got this out! I've sat down in front of the computer so many times but the words just wouldn't come out. And I haven't forgotten about the team, I just needed to get this part about Bridget out mainly without them. **

_Rápido, por favor – _Quickly, please

_Gracias_ – Thank you

_De nada_ – It's nothing (You're welcome)

**Thanks for reading and feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	6. What Do You Say

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. It really means a lot. Sorry I haven't replied to anything yet; I'm still figuring everything out on the site. **

**This chapter is going back to what's happening with the team right after Bridget leaves. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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Hotch sighed. He wasn't sure what this would mean for the team.

He moved Bridget's gun and badge off of the paperwork that he'd been working on before she'd walked in and placed the two items in the top drawer of his desk. There was no use dwelling on it. She was probably out of the building already.

"Hotch, man, what the hell was that about?"

Morgan's voice in his doorway didn't surprise him. Of course Morgan was confused; he came to Hotch looking for answers. But Hotch didn't really have much information to give.

"Morgan, I–" he started, but was interrupted by a knock on his open door.

"Everything okay in here?" Rossi tried to look like he was playing the part of peacekeeper, but honestly, he was tired of doing his own paperwork. The commotion he'd heard, first with Bridget and now Derek, provided him the perfect opportunity to get out of his office and give his tired eyes a break. Not to mention, he was always up for a little gossip.

Hotch almost rolled his eyes. He knew exactly why Dave was in his office.

"Bridget just found out that Sergeant Rodriguez, MDPD, was shot today while on duty. So she's going to Miami to see him."

Rossi and Morgan were both quiet for a short moment. They knew who he was and why Bridget had left. Rossi spoke first.

"Well, is he okay? Is Bridget okay? Does she need anything?"

Hotch's frown deepened. "I'm not sure. I don't think she received any details of what happened."

"So, what? She finds out her friend was shot and you just let her leave, alone?" Morgan's tone was accusatory. "Hotch, she's got to be freaking out. What if she has a panic attack or something on the way?"

It was well known throughout the team that Bridget suffered from panic, or anxiety, attacks. Normally, she could control them to where they didn't interfere with her life, but these weren't normal circumstances. It helped her get through them if she had someone with her.

When the attacks first started, when Bridget was a teenager, her mother had sent her to a therapist. The attacks went away for almost two years but returned when Bridget was in college. She didn't seek out any additional treatment because they were far less frequent and less severe than they had been at home. Once, after an anxiety attack she'd had while in the car with Hotch, Bridget gave a weak laugh and told him that it was because she wasn't dealing with the stress that came with her mother. Hotch knew it was an attempt to lighten the mood, but he also remembered hearing about a lot of news coverage on her family surrounding them with personal scandals. He knew it must've been around the time when Bridget first started having anxiety attacks and all that stress on her probably triggered the attacks.

"Morgan, she _chose _to leave. I didn't force her out of here," Hotch defended himself.

"Did you even ask if she was okay? That guy's like her brother and he could die Hotch!"

"Derek, calm down," Dave interjected. "If she needs anything, I'm sure she'll let us know. You can call her later to check on her. Right now, she's probably getting a flight. Let her do what she needs to do before you bombard her with calls."

Dave Rossi: the voice of reason. But Derek couldn't completely let his worries for Bridget settle. He opened his mouth to say something else, but evidently thought better of it and walked past Rossi out of Hotch's office.

As he made his way to Garcia's lair, he felt his hands clench into fists. He was so pissed that Hotch just let her go alone at what could possibly turn out to be one of the hardest times of her life. He just wanted to punch something.

Though he didn't like the guy at first, when he saw Bridget and Rodriguez interact together, they were affectionate but it lacked the flirtatiousness that Bridget had when she talked to Derek, and therefore he knew that Rodriguez wasn't competition. The two were truly like siblings. Once Derek got to know him a little better, he found that the Cuban cop was actually a pretty cool guy.

He burst through Garcia's door, which made her slightly jump as she turned around.

"Oh! Hey Hot Stuff, what can I do to float your boat on this fine but freezing January afternoon?"

"I need your help, but it's not a fine afternoon, Baby Girl," Derek sighed. He quickly recapped what had happened in the last half hour.

"Our poor girl," Garcia said after Derek finished.

"I know. I need you to find me what flight she's getting on and when she'll land."

"No problemo, my chocolate god," she replied as her magic fingers began to type away.

When she found the information, Derek sighed again. It would be almost three hours before Bridget would be safely on the ground and he could call her. He shook his head.

"Thanks, Baby Girl."

By the time he returned to the bullpen, the rest of the team had been informed of the situation by Hotch and Rossi. Everyone was quiet when Derek returned. Rossi was the first to speak.

"Like I said, she's on a plane and there's nothing we can do right now."

"Okay, let's get back to work," Hotch ordered the team.

Derek stormed away. Hotch just shook his head slightly and returned to his office. He wasn't trying to be heartless but he was already down one agent and he didn't need the rest unfocused.

Ironically, once he was back in his office, Hotch found that _he_ couldn't concentrate. For two hours, he sat, looking at the same file, just staring at the page. His thoughts kept trailing to Bridget.

_Why would I say that she was going to lose her job? As if she isn't stressed enough. _

He put his head in his hands. He would offer Bridget her job back when she returned.

_What if she _–

His thoughts were cut off by a quiet knock at his open door. "Aaron," Dave motioned with his hand for Hotch to follow him. He walked out on the catwalk towards a conference room where he saw his team. Looking out into the bullpen, Hotch saw that most of the other agents had left. It was almost 7 and weather was getting bad.

He walked into the conference room and saw the agents staring at a TV that hung on the wall.

"_This afternoon, in downtown Miami, Florida, a shootout ended a car chase. Sergeant Matthew Rodriguez of the Miami-Dade Police Department was transported to the nearest hospital where he was pronounced dead."_

No one in the room looked at anyone else. They each alternated between staring at the television, where the reporter had moved on to a new story, and staring at the empty table that they all, bar Hotch and Rossi, sat at. It seemed as though they were all waiting for someone else to speak first. Finally, someone found their voice.

"We should–" Prentiss started, but then stopped to clear her throat before trying again. "I think we should go down there, for the services, to support Bridget."

Hotch nodded in agreement. "They've cancelled all flights in and out of D.C. for the night because of the weather, but we can get the earliest flight tomorrow morning. Pack your bags; I'll let you know what time the flight will be."

No words were spoken by the others, no goodbyes were said, except for quiet reassurances from Morgan as he wiped Garcia's sympathetic tears from her pink-tinged cheeks.

Emily gathered her things, put on her coat, nodded to Reid, got in her car and pulled away from the Bureau. At a stoplight, she squeezed her eyes shut for a brief moment. She remembered the death of her own "Matty", Matthew Benton. It was upsetting, though she hadn't seen or heard from him in years. Bridget and her Matt talked every day. Emily knew it was going to be a very hard time for Bridget and team while she grieved.

When the light changed from red to green, Emily leaned against the backrest of her seat. She reached for the phone in the cup holder and called Bridget. To her surprise, Bridget actually picked up.

"Hello?" Emily was stunned speechless for a second. She'd never heard Bridget, a strong, confident woman, sound so weak before.

"Bridget? Are you okay?" The words flew quickly off her tongue.

"He's gone. Matt's dead." Bridget started to cry as she spoke the words. Emily pulled into her apartment parking lot but stayed in her car.

"God, Bridge, I'm so sorry. Do you need anything?" Emily paused. She didn't really think her words were getting through to Bridget because she still heard her gut wrenching sobs coming through the speaker on her phone, but she still had to speak. "The weather is too bad tonight, but we're coming down there tomorrow morning."

Bridget continued to cry through the phone and Emily just sat there and listened. Emily didn't speak but she knew that, sometimes, it helped to just be there.

_**So what do you say in a moment like this  
**__**  
When you can't find the words to tell it like it is**_

Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way

**

* * *

**

The song is "What Do You Say" by Reba McEntire. Let me know what you thought!


	7. Fall to Pieces

**Hello everyone! Thanks for reading! Does anyone else watch Rookie Blue on ABC? Great show. One of the actors on there is Eric Johnson who played Sean Hotchner in "The Tribe" on Criminal Minds. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. **

* * *

Derek Morgan looked out the windshield towards the cold, empty airstrip. A quick call from Hotch the night before told him what time their flight would take off so Derek set his alarm and packed his bag, including two suits; one for visitation and another for the funeral. This hit him hard too. As a former cop, the news of a fellow officer dying in the line of duty was disturbing. Take that, combined with the fact that he hadn't talked to Bridget since she hurried out of the bullpen the previous day, and Derek was in a downright terrible mood.

He got out of his car and grabbed his bag from the passenger seat at the same time that Hotch was pulling in to the parking lot. When Hotch got out his car, he walked over to Morgan. His face was somber, Morgan noted, as usual.

"Have you heard from Bridget?" Derek asked.

"No, but Prentiss said that she called Bridget last night to let her know that we were coming down to Miami today."

"What'd she say? How was she?" Derek's voice sounded desperate, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Hotch heard it and Derek knew it by the brief silence and look that flashed on Hotch's face. To Derek, it almost looked like a warning, though he wasn't sure why; but the frown was definitely an acknowledgement of Morgan's anxiety.

"According to Prentiss," Hotch replied slowly. "She was quiet. She didn't say much, but she was upset."

Derek sighed. That wasn't enough information. He would definitely grill Emily when she arrived. The two silently walked the rest of the way onto the jet.

* * *

After about three hours of dreamless sleep, Bridget woke up to the sound of rain against her hotel room window. She remembered the situation immediately when she awoke, before she even opened her eyes. She rolled over so that her back faced the raindrop covered window and looked at the generic digital clock that sat on the bedside table. 8:33. Her eyes burned from the tears she cried last night.

She was so angry. _How could this have happened? Why did Matt _let_ this happen? We had a promise!_

Tears prickled her eyes again. But this time they were angry tears. She was angry at Matt, angry at the man who shot him, at Hotch for delaying her journey and taking her job, at the other police officers who let Matt get shot. But mostly, Bridget was furious with herself. She was mad that she just walked out on her team and that she wasn't there for Matt. She was just letting everyone down.

She angrily rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands as she sat up in bed. It didn't look like the rain was going to stop any time soon. She reached for her phone and unplugged it from the charger. Emily had sent her a text message that told her that the team would be arriving in Miami around ten o'clock.

For the first time since she'd awoken, Bridget was thoroughly confused. Her team – well technically it wasn't her team anymore since she'd turned in her gun and badge to Hotch, but still – her team was coming to Miami? Did Emily tell her that last night on the phone? Bridget couldn't remember.

The text also asked where she was staying so that they could meet her. Again, Bridget thought hard back to the night before. She honestly couldn't recall what hotel she was staying at. Bridget actually had to pick up the pad of paper that sat next to the phone to read the name of the hotel. God, she felt so pathetic. After typing back to Emily the name of the hotel where she was staying, Bridget pulled the blanket back over her head and began to cry. Whether they were tears of sadness or anger or self-pity, Bridget couldn't tell.

After another forty-five minutes of crying and lying in the bed, she finally pulled herself up and into the shower. Tears fell again mixing with the water coming out of the showerhead. When she got out of the shower, it was close to 9:30 and Bridget decided she needed to try to look presentable for her team when they arrived. She thanked her lucky stars when she saw her go-bag sitting in a chair by the desk. One of the officers must have brought it up with her. It contained her toothbrush, hairbrush and makeup and she put on a pair of jeans and a royal blue v-neck t-shirt that she kept in her bag. Sliding on a brown belt, Bridget sat down on the bed and turned on the TV. Her still-wet hair tickled the back of her neck and was leaving a wet spot on her shirt.

The first channel that the TV tuned to was about hotel information. After that was a national news channel. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Matt's picture on the screen and wondered why it didn't occur to her that this story would be on the news. Bridget immediately hit the power button and watched as the screen instantly turned black. Her eyes were still glued to the blank screen and the photo of Matt in his uniform was burned into her mind.

Bridget's breath quickened, her heart raced and her stomach dropped. She was terrified of having another panic attack. It would be her third since she arrived in Miami. The two she'd had the night before, while she was alone, were the worst she'd had in a very long time. On shaky legs, she stood up and walked to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. The sound of rain hitting the concrete of the balcony floor set a repetitive, calming beat. She focused on the noise and counted her breaths, inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. It was certainly clichéd advice, but it worked for her. Soon, though, the wind began to blow the rain towards her, so Bridget turned and went back inside before the rain completely soaked her.

Once inside, she put her head in her hands and waited. Her team would be there very soon. As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. She got up and checked herself in the full-length mirror that hung next to the door. Her eyes were a little red, but not as swollen as they were this morning. It would have to be good enough since her team was waiting outside her door. Bridget checked the peephole out of habit to confirm that it was truly her team and opened the heavy hotel room door.

And there they were. All, except Garcia who was forced to stay back, were standing in a small group in the hallway. In any other circumstances, Bridget would've laughed in awe when she saw Hotch standing in front of her in jeans and a maroon t-shirt. In her three years of working with him, she could count the number of times she'd seen him in casual clothes on one hand and still have fingers left over. But right now, she couldn't laugh. Instead, Bridget felt herself fighting back tears again.

She bit her lip as Emily spoke. "Oh Bridget, I'm sorry. We love you so much."

If there was one thing Bridget disliked more than crying, it was crying in front of other people. The night before, at the hospital, had been humiliating. She'd completely broken down in front of the whole ER waiting room. And right now, in front of the people who mattered most to her, she was about to do it again.

In one last attempt at self-preservation, Bridget reached a hand up horizontally across her eyes. Almost immediately, it turned vertical and slid down as her other hand joined it to cover either side of her face. Behind her shaking hands, Bridget's face crumbled as tears began to leak from her eyes once more.

Derek felt his own heart breaking as he stood in the hall watching Bridget cry. Instantly as her hands came up to her face, Derek gently pushed Prentiss out of the way and wrapped his arms around Bridget. He couldn't stand to see her in so much pain. Derek turned his face into Bridget's damp hair. He wanted desperately to tell her that everything would be okay but he knew that, at the moment, it wouldn't mean a thing. So instead, he said the only thing he could think of.

"I love you, Bee." In response, Bridget slowly moved her arms, which had been pinned between Derek's body and hers, and put her arms around his waist as she tucked her face deeper into his chest.

_**I don't wanna fall to pieces**_

_**I just wanna sit and stare at you**_

_**I don't wanna talk about it **_

_**And I don't want a conversation**_

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**Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! The song is "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne. Please review. With it being my first story and all, reviews would be amazing! Thanks!**


	8. Too Much

**Well, here's the newest chapter of my story! Woo! Haha okay, here you go!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. **

* * *

After holding Bridget in the doorway of her hotel room for a few minutes, he walked her backwards inside the room and the rest of the team followed. Bridget's room was identical to the rooms that the others had already dropped their things in.

He sat her down on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders again. The shaking of her body eventually slowed to a stop and her tears ceased soon after. Looking down, Bridget wiped the tears from underneath her eyes. Derek was afraid to say something that would set off her tears again. Before he had the chance to think of something to say, Bridget stood up, excused herself and walked into the bathroom.

Once the door was closed behind, everyone on the team looked at one another.

"I've never seen her like that," Dave Rossi broke the silence. "It was kind of strange. But understandable," he clarified.

His voiced was pitched extremely low so that Bridget wouldn't hear. Rossi was right. They'd seen her have panic attacks, they'd seen her scared, angry, happy, tired and sad. But never this upset and they certainly hadn't seen her cry. JJ and Reid nodded in agreement.

A moment later, Bridget walked back out of the bathroom. She was looking down, not making eye contact with the others. Derek thought she seemed embarrassed, though he wasn't sure why. She sat back down on the bed next to him and he laced his fingers through hers. Bridget didn't pull away, which Derek took as a good sign.

"Do you need anything, sweetie?" JJ patted Bridget's knee. Bridget shook her head and raked the fingers of her hand that wasn't holding Derek's through her hair, pushing it off her face.

Bridget cleared her throat. "Um…" she cleared her throat a second time. "Thanks for, uh, coming down."

Everyone was silent for a moment after they nodded in acknowledgement.

"Sorry, I'm such a mess right now," Bridget gave a weak attempt at a laugh. The other agents realized that she didn't want them to worry and they could see that she was embarrassed to have them seeing her so weak.

"Don't apologize, Bridge," Derek said, rubbing his thumb on the back of Bridget's hand. "It's not your fault and we want to be here with you."

"I know, it's just–" Bridget's voice broke and she brought her hands up to cover her face again, bringing Derek's hand with her. The back of his hand was now pressed against Bridget's cheek and just as he was about to wrap his other arm around her, Bridget took a deep breath and brought her hands down. She didn't want to cry anymore. At some point didn't your body run out of tears? Bridget was desperately looking forward to that moment.

But for now at least, Bridget knew that more tears were waiting just behind her eyes. And to think, she still had the services to get through. Really, it'd been less than 24 hours since she'd found out about Matt.

JJ could tell that Bridget was overwhelmed and badly need a break from their company. "Well, why don't we go get settled in our rooms and we'll come back in a little while? Does that sound okay?"

Bridget nodded. She was just staring at the floor. Hotch stood first and the rest followed suit. Morgan hesitated but got up when Emily tapped his shoulder. He squeezed Bridget's hand and let it go.

"I'll be right next door, baby, if you need anything," Derek told her quietly.

Hotch looked at the two carefully. He couldn't help the pang of jealousy that ran through him. Then the guilt. He hated that he was being so selfish at this moment when Bridget was obviously so upset. Hotch was almost positive that Derek and Bridget weren't together, but with the way Derek was acting…Was it sympathy and support for a friend or a lover? Hotch couldn't be sure. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.

* * *

Once everyone was gone, Bridget still didn't move from the edge of the bed. She wished that she could just rewind back to three days ago when her only worries were of her mother trying to reunite their family.

Bridget's phone started to vibrate and she grabbed it from the bedside table and looked at the caller ID. Speak of the devil. For some reason Bridget decided to answer.

"Hello?" She immediately regretted picking up the phone.

"Dear Lord Bridget! You haven't been answering my calls!" Her mother's strident voice came over the line. "I need your confirmation that you'll be at your father's banquet."

_Nice to hear from you, too, Mom. How've you been? Me? I'm in Florida for the funeral of my best friend._

"Mother, I can't–" Bridget tried to say quietly. The last thing she wanted right now was to fight with her mother.

"No! You always turn these things down! How do you expect to make peace with your father if you're not supporting him?"

"I don't want to make peace with him. I'm not the one who left their family. I have nothing to be sorry for."

This was often the turn their conversations took. It started with her mother inviting Bridget to some event or meeting with her father, then went to Bridget making excuses and her mother accusing her of tearing their family apart. Though, if Bridget thought about it, she figured it was kind of her fault that her dad left.

"Bridget, it would mean a lot to both your father and I if you were there," her mother's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Are you at your apartment? I'll just stop by and talk to you about it."

"Mom, wait. I'm not even in DC. I'm in Miami."

"Honestly, for someone who moved away from there three years ago, you're sure down there an awful lot. Is this about that Cuban boyfriend of yours? There are men up here which I'm sure are just as great as – what was his name? Michael?"

"Matthew," Bridget whispered. "And he's not–"

"Right, Matthew. But, really, if you need help finding someone–"

"I don't need—"

"I know some men your age that I could set you up with. They're very nice and successful and—"

"Mother!" Bridget cried. Tears were streaming down her face. "I don't need a boyfriend and I don't need your help! Matt was shot, Mom. He's dead." The sobs broke through again but Bridget kept them silent.

"Oh, dear, Bridget. I'm sorry." Oh, she _is _capable of human emotions.

"I can't talk now. I have to go," Bridget squeaked out. She hung up the phone before her mother could reply. She laid back on the bed and put the back of her hand over her eyes, reminiscent of a fainting southern belle. Bridget didn't want to cry anymore. It was starting to physically hurt her to shed tears but it hurt even more to hold them in. She figured she had no choice but to let them out.

It wasn't just the loss that hurt though. It was the loneliness and the feeling that she didn't have anyone to call or talk to. So she picked up her phone again and called the one person she _could _talk to right now, even though he was right next door.

_**I need to find a reason to feel,**_

_**Like everything was meant to be let go,**_

_**Take it slow, 'cause I can't be on my own**_

* * *

**Song is "Too Much" by All Time Low. **

**Thanks for everyone who read, reviewed, alerted and added this story to their favorites. It really means a lot since this is my first story. Thanks again and don't forget to leave a review ;) Also, if you're on Tumblr, you can follow me at .com/**


	9. Your Guardian Angel

**Hi everybody! Thanks for reading! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.**

* * *

Before he even hung up, Derek was out of his room. He was surprised to see Hotch, Rossi and Emily standing in the hallway where all their rooms were. Derek didn't have anything to say so he just walked next door to Bridget's room, ignoring the others.

"Morgan, what are you doing?" Emily said. It was something close to a warning, telling him not to proceed.

Derek froze with his hand in the air in front of Bridget's door. "I'm going to talk to her. She's upset."

"I know, but she needs time to gather herself and grieve on her own." Emily walked over to Derek and stood between him and the door, making Derek take a step back.

"No, she just called me. She doesn't want to be alone. That's why she's upset."

"Bridget isn't upset because no one's sitting in her room with her, okay? She's upset because her close friend was just killed." Emily spoke slowly like she always did when she was trying to get a point across.

"I get it, Em. She's your friend and you're worried about her, but she wants me in there. So, excuse me." He reached over Prentiss' shoulder and knocked on the door. She gave him a look but stepped aside.

After a moment of silence, the heavy door opened. Bridget must've pulled the door open and stepped back, Hotch figured, because he couldn't see her in the doorway from where he was standing in the hall. Another wave of jealousy rolled through Hotch as Morgan stepped inside.

Bridget had turned around to walk back to the bed but Derek grabbed her before she got to her target. She didn't make a sound when he pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. The sobs that wracked through her body were in full swing again. Just like she had in the hallway when they first arrived, Bridget tucked her face against him.

"Shh, I'm here, Bee," Derek rubbed her back. "I'm here."

_**I will never let you fall**_

_**I'll stand up with you forever**_

_**I'll be there for you through it all**_

_**Even if saving you sends me to Heaven**_

An hour and a half later, the two sat on the bed, Bridget cross-legged and Derek with his legs straight out towards the foot of the bed. They sat on top of the covers and leaned against the headrest. The television was on quietly, on any channel but the news. Bridget couldn't handle a repeat of that morning. Though Bridget had stopped crying a little while ago, they still weren't saying much. During a commercial, Bridget broke the silence.

"Does it make me a horrible person to be mad at Matt?" Her voice was quiet and a little scratchy.

"No," Derek was a little surprised. They hadn't brought him up in conversation. "Why are you mad?"

Bridget sighed. "It's just, we had a promise, a deal. And he broke it."

"What was the deal?"

"That he would stay safe." She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it off her face.

Derek nodded. "And what was your end of the deal?"

Bridget bit her lip. It was something she never talked about to anyone. "It's kind of hard to explain."

He sensed her reluctance. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Bee."

She shook her head. "Before I moved to DC, I was into some bad stuff."

Bridget was hesitant, nervous to tell him. She was making him nervous to find out what she did. "What do you mean?"

She took a deep breath. "Cocaine."

All of his years hearing strange confessions and bizarre tales from serial killers and victims and family members couldn't have prepared him for this. His best friend, the girl he was in love with, was telling him she did coke. He clenched his jaw to keep it from dropping open.

"It started with an old boyfriend who got me into it. Matt hated it and he helped me stop using for a while. But that high is, it's insane. Unlike anything else. So, anyway, I relapsed."

She'd been staring at her shaking hands while she spoke but paused at looked at Derek. He looked over at her, trying to hide the shock on his face.

"Bee," Derek started but trailed off. What could he say? Bridget must've mistaken his shock for horror or disgust.

"I'm sorry, Derek, just forget it," she tried to say, bringing her hands up to her face.

Derek gently grabbed Bridget's hands and pulled them down into her lap. "No, I want to hear this," he spoke softly. "This is part of you and I want to help. Please tell me."

Bridget shook her head, but continued her story. "Well, okay, you have to understand that coke is kind of big down here. I'm not saying it's common and everyone down here does it, but it's not hard to find. So I was still in school when I got into it. I guess you could call me an addict, but I wouldn't."

Derek furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"When I was using, it wasn't interfering with my life. At first. Then Matt found out and he was _so_ mad. He made me quit. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. You know, like they say, it makes the highs higher and the lows lower. It took a while, but he got me better."

"So he saved you?"

"Yeah. But like I said, I relapsed. It was just a one time thing, but Matthew found a little baggie of it in my purse. By then, he was out of the academy and was a full police officer. He told me that I could either go to rehab or go to jail. I chose rehab because there was no way I was going to jail, especially for drug possession."

She shifted on the bed and glanced at Derek's expression. It was concerned, maybe a bit curious, but not judgmental, which was what she was looking for.

"Rehab was absolutely horrible. I guess it was supposed to look safe and inviting, but it all seemed so fake and kind of ironic. Like, it was this horrible, dark time and they'd painted the walls yellow, as if the color of the walls would make us all better." She closed her eyes and shook her head.

Derek wanted to say something, to reassure Bridget, but he didn't want to interrupt her. He was scared that if he did, Bridget wouldn't continue her story. He just waited until she started speaking again. Her voice surprised him as she told the story. She wasn't _uncomfortable _talking about it, but she was clearly nervous about telling him about this part of her past.

"You couldn't sleep at night because there were people coming down off heroin and you could hear them screaming all night. It was like living a nightmare, you know. You're locked in this little room. It's pitch black and people down the hall are screaming 'kill me, kill me'. It's so miserable to listen to, I couldn't even imagine going through that. And then they had us go to this group therapy," she rolled her eyes with the last statement.

"You didn't like that," Derek said. It wasn't a question; it was obvious with her actions. Bridget shook her head. "Why not?"

"I didn't, well I still don't, like telling people all my feelings. I wasn't conditioned to share those."

Derek nodded. He definitely knew that feeling. "So what happened after you got out?"

"I was better. I started law school in the fall and I was okay. But then, Matt got hurt at work. I don't know, I guess there was a car chase or something and it ended in a huge accident with about 6 other cars. He was okay but sitting in the hospital with his parents and brother and sister was terrifying."

Derek squeezed Bridget's hand. The pain she felt then must've been nothing compared to what she was feeling now that he was truly gone.

"Anyways, after that, we made the promise. I know it was stupid because he can't control what happens on the job but it was all I could do."

Derek sat next to her on the bed in silence. There was nothing he could say or do to make any of this better. Bridget leaned against the headboard and Derek looked back at her. She said nothing but reached over, trailed her fingers down his forearm to his hand and interlaced their fingers.

* * *

**The song is "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. **

**Thanks for reading. Please leave a review to let me know how I'm doing! **


	10. You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

**Hello! Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, and alerted! This chapter is like Derek's thoughts and a little bit more of Bridget's past. Also I did change the rating because I thought, because of the mention of drug use, it should be higher. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. **

It was late afternoon and the rain from that morning had long since stopped. Derek sat on the bed next to a sleeping Bridget. He looked down to see her small, warm fingers entwined with his own large ones. They were pale and delicate next to his. Smooth where his were calloused. Her fingernails were short and painted a deep purple. Derek knew that Bridget had gone with Garcia a few days ago and gotten them done together. He also knew that it was an effort for the two to reconcile after two weeks of tense moments and almost-fights, all of which stemmed back to Garcia wanting to bring Kevin to their team dinner that was supposed to be in a few days.

Bridget and Kevin hadn't gotten along since Bridget moved up to DC and constantly made it clear to everyone, including Kevin, that she thought that Garcia could do so much better. Bridget didn't say anything for a while because it really wasn't her business and Garcia had been dating Kevin before Bridget moved there, but as Bridget and Garcia became closer friends, Bridget's criticisms of Garcia's boyfriend slowly started to seep out. Mainly, they were just comments that Kevin wasn't right for Garcia and that she could do so much better.

The things Bridget said started out as simple concerns that maybe Kevin was treating Garcia right but they'd become back-handed soon after and had most recently turned to more blatant comments and suggestions of men that Garcia would be much better paired with.

Of course, it wasn't one-sided. Kevin was outright rude to Bridget and constantly said that she acted haughty and trashy but Derek had a feeling that Kevin's hatred of Bridget was because Kevin was never fully accepted by the team, while Bridget fit in almost immediately. Or maybe the two were just too different that they couldn't even be friends. Whatever the reason, the two didn't get along.

Listening to Bridget's even, almost silent breathing, Derek thought about what she'd told him before she fell asleep. He was still slightly in shock. Cocaine. He couldn't really wrap his head around the idea. He also wasn't sure how the news of a senator's daughter going to rehab had been kept quiet. Well, apparently she and Sergeant Rodriguez had been successful in keeping it out the news. He knew that paparazzi followed her as a teen because of her "party girl" tendencies and this would be quite big news if it got out. They found her again after she graduated from law school and began in a law firm.

The firm took high profile cases which they almost always won. Case after case, her face popped up on the news. He remembered seeing her on national news channels a few years ago. She looked young but professional and kept her cool when talking to the media outside of the courtroom. Derek definitely found her attractive and even thought that she could make a good addition to the FBI someday. Little did he know that this "partier-turned-successful lawyer" would soon become his best friend.

His best friend, who had just told him that she was a coke addict, was still sleeping soundly when Derek's phone beeped, signaling a text message. Emily let him know that they were going to get dinner and asked if Derek and Bridget wanted them to bring them back something, since she figured that Bridget wouldn't be up for going out somewhere. Derek replied, just saying to bring them back anything. They all knew each other well enough by now to know what they would eat. He figured he would wake Bridget up when the team came back with their food. For now, he needed time to process the information Bridget had told him earlier.

First, he was infuriated with the ex-boyfriend that had introduced the drug to Bridget. The guy was sick and Derek knew that if he got a hold of him, he would make the guy pay for making Bridget hurt and go through that horrible experience.

He was also furious with Bridget for deciding to do drugs in the first place. His jaw clenched and the hand that wasn't holding Bridget's curled tightly into a fist. He knew she'd done some stupid stuff in the past but this was about as dumb as she could've gotten. Derek would definitely let her know that, but he couldn't do it now. Not when she was grieving a friend's death and she had just confided this secret in him. He would feel like an ass if he did it now, but he vowed himself that he would tell her.

Derek would be forever thankful to Sergeant Rodriguez for sending Bridget to rehab and getting her the help that she needed and Derek found himself wishing that he could tell Matt that himself.

Another quiet beep rang through the phone as Derek's phone received another text message. Emily again: _**How's she doing? **_He typed back that she was asleep. He didn't mention anything about what Bridget had told him and he had a feeling that this would be a secret that he'd be taking to the grave.

Then he thought about the promise that Bridget had made with Matt. If Matt was gone, had broken his promise, would Bridget still keep up her end of the deal or would she break her promise also? Derek would do everything in his power to make sure that she never got into drugs ever again.

His heart rate kicked up a few notches when he thought about the reality of the situation. Bridget was extremely miserable right now and had a history of using a drug which promised an intense high. Would this lead her to start using again? For the first time in a long time, Derek sent a prayer up to God that Bridget would be okay.

* * *

Almost an hour later, Derek walked out to the balcony. The sky was darkening but lights brightened the city. From this high, he felt like he could see the whole city. To his right he saw the beach and the waves crashing silently against the sand. When he looked left, he saw buildings and roads covered with pinpricks of lights. He could hear the constant hum of cars driving by on the highway. It was chaotic and peaceful all at once.

He heard the quiet hiss of the sliding glass door as it opened behind him. He turned around and watched Bridget walk over towards him. She looked out towards the city and Derek looked at her. She leaned forward to rest her elbows on the railing and put her chin in her hands. Derek waited for her to say something. Bridget took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. Then she turned her head towards the beach.

Bridget knew that Derek was still looking at her face, studying her, but she still didn't look up at him.

Derek just waited as the silence stretched on. Bridget's eyes seemed to have glazed over and Derek was positive that she was lost in thought.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He had to know.

And there it was! He saw a small smile emerge on her face for the first time since she'd gotten the phone call back at the BAU. Her lips turned up at the corners and her eyes came back into focus.

"See that spot on the beach right there? Past the house with the blue roof?" She pointed to a house right along the shore line.

Derek nodded and waited for her to continue.

"That's where I got my first kiss in Miami. It was my second night here and my roommate brought me to the party. It was her cousin's house. And he was gorgeous," she laughed quietly, remembering.

Derek suddenly felt like Bridget had taken them back in time, back to when she was an eighteen year old. There was a certain innocence in her voice, though he knew she was far from pure when she moved down here for college. He smiled as he listened to her low voice.

"And right over there, that's one of my favorite places. It has that _chill _feeling of a bar but the energy of a club. Local bands play there on Fridays. I had some of the best nights of my life there." She nudged Derek's arm with her elbow. "I think you would love it there."

"Then I guess we'll have to go sometime," he tried to tone down the grin on his face but he was unbelievably happy to see her smile. Bridget nodded and looked back out at the view.

"That bar is where I first met Matty and his little brother. We were all in a huge group and we all got kicked out for fighting."

She gave a little laugh as she spoke, but then silence washed over them again. Derek reached over and rubbed her back when she dropped her face into her palms. He felt the sobs roll through her though she made no noise to give it away.

"Derek," Bridget choked out. "I'm so scared. I can't do this." Her voice was a whisper but Derek heard the words perfectly.

He pressed his chest against her back and wrapped his arms around her stomach.

"It's gonna be okay. I'm here, you know that, right?"

Bridget nodded, her head still in her hands. Then she stood up straight and wiped the tears from underneath her eyes. Derek's hands pulled back to rest on her hips. Bridget turned around to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Derek felt her soft cheek pressed against his and as she pulled back, Bridget turned her face as kissed the corner of Derek's lips.

Derek knew it didn't mean what he wished it did, but he knew it was just friendly. She kissed him, and others, like that often and if she'd been drinking, then sometimes he'd be lucky enough to get a kiss from her fully on the lips as she sat on his lap. _Well_, Derek thought, _I'll take what I can get._

_**You shouldn't kiss me like this  
Unless you mean it like that  
Cause I'll just close my eyes  
And I won't know where I'm at**_

* * *

**Song is "You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like That" by Toby Keith. **

**Okay guys, thanks for reading! It would make my day if you left a review to let me know what you think of the story!**

**Also I do realize that I made a mistake earlier in the story when I said she was a prosecutor like Hotch. Bridget was an attorney, a partner in a law firm, not a prosecutor. Sorry!**


	11. Broken

**I changed my penname now so it's the same as my twitter account. It used to be MUSiCmakesmeHAPPY**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

**Alright, here's the new chapter! It's a bit shorter than usual because the words weren't flowing. **

* * *

When JJ stopped by to drop off their meal, Derek answered the door. He thanked her and went to shut the door, but JJ stopped him.

"Can I talk to you in the hallway for a minute?" JJ asked softly.

Derek sighed. "Yeah, one second." He walked back to Bridget, who was sitting cross-legged on the bed and handed her the food. "I'll be right back." He kissed the top of her head.

It wasn't like Bridget didn't know that they were going to be talking about her. She did, and, while she appreciated their concern, it still bothered her that her friends were talking about her. She tried to let it blow over because she knew that she wouldn't make it through this hard time without them. Especially Derek.

It was like Bridget was seeing a different side of him. She was used to the confident, borderline cocky, laughing, flirty Derek and the determined, angry, unsub-hunting Derek. But now he was soft and sweet and kind. Thinking about him, about his attitudes and actions in the past couple days, Bridget found herself smiling down at her meal. When she caught herself, Bridget started to laugh a little.

Derek walked back in the room to find Bridget giggling and looking at her food. She looked so beautiful with a smile gracing her lips, with her nose scrunched in laughter.

"What's so funny?" Derek asked, flashing his own perfect white teeth.

Bridget looked up at him, shook her head and worked on suppressing her giggles. "Nothing," she replied. The smile still lingered on her face. Derek looked at her for another moment with a raised eyebrow and upturned lips.

"Okay," he finally replied, shaking his head. "Come on, Bee. Let's eat."

The mood in the room was noticeably lighter and happier. The reminder of Matt's death wasn't gone; it was just out of mind for the moment.

Bridget got off the bed and went to sit at the small table in the corner of the hotel room. "Good, I'm starving."

They began to eat and were making little jokes the whole time. Things were starting to seem normal to Derek.

"Mmm," Bridget moaned, taking a bite of her meal.

She closed her eyes momentarily and it seemed, to Derek, extremely sexual. Derek looked at her and tried to bite back his laughter, but failed when a small chuckle escaped.

"What?" She turned her head towards him.

He raised his eyebrows teasingly. "That's pretty good, huh?"

Bridget paused and looked at him. As soon as she saw the mischievous glimmer in his eye, she knew what game he was playing. "Yeah," she said slowly, with exaggerated lust in her voice. "Want a bite?" She held out a fork with a bite of her pasta.

"I'd _love_ a bite," Derek's voice was low, matching Bridget's. He leaned towards her with a smirk on his face.

Suddenly, Bridget froze. Suddenly, it wasn't a joke anymore. She wanted to kiss him more than anything. She didn't care that she was hungry, didn't care that they were in some hotel in Miami. She wasn't thinking of her puffy eyes or the fact that she spent a majority of the night before in tears. Only one thought invaded her mind: Derek.

His face was just inches from hers now, lips slightly parted. Now, Bridget just wanted to take a bite of him.

The moment probably wasn't perfect but she didn't care. She needed to kiss him now.

When Derek's eyes looked into Bridget's, any hint of the teasing was gone. All that was left was her natural playfulness. He noticed the change in her demeanor and dared to move another inch closer. He couldn't believe this was happening. For years, since he'd met her, Derek desperately wanted a real kiss from her. Not one when she was drunk or feeling extra affectionate. And it was about to come true.

Taking the chance, Bridget leaned forward and pressed her lips to Derek's. His lips were warm and surprisingly soft. His kiss was strong and firm, yet gentle at the same time. It somehow made her feel safe, like he could support her and take care of her.

Derek's head was spinning. He was in total shock; part of him didn't truly think that Bridget would actually go through with it. He was tempting her, ready to call her bluff, but she went for it. Her small hand reached up to cup his cheek, and then moved to brush his jaw, before coming to rest on the back of his neck.

Slowly, she pulled back just a bit. Derek pressed into her. He was aching for her now. He never wanted this moment to end. He could feel Bridget's mouth forming a smile against his. Derek pulled back, wanting to see her face.

Her cheeks were tinged pink and a small smile graced her lips. She was looking down, shy all of the sudden. _God_, Derek thought, _she is _so _beautiful_. Bridget's teeth scraped along her bottom lip before she looked back up at him. Her grin widened when she saw his smile.

Bridget's hand still lay on the back of Derek's neck and she used it to pull him into her again.

This kiss was rougher, more forceful, but also more playful. To Derek, the kiss was so perfectly _Bridget_. Now, he was the one smiling against her lips.

_**I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing**_

_**With a broken heart that's still beating**_

_**In the pain, there is healing **_

_**In your name, I find meaning**_

* * *

**The song is "Broken" by Lifehouse.**

**I hope you guys liked the new chapter. The words weren't really flowing out like should have been. And I know it's taken forever for this new chapter but I'm on spring break now so I really have no excuse. **

**Also, I've had a really bad last couple of days so reviews would help cheer me up :)**


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